Blue Christmas
by EldestSalvatore
Summary: Screw decking the halls, singing off key carols and trimming the tree. While everyone else is embracing the holiday spirit Damon Salvatore is creating as much distance from it as possible. Forced to spend his first Christmas without Elena proves to be more difficult than he had prepared himself for. Christmas miracles don't exist or do they?
1. Christmas Scrooge

**Summary:** Screw decking the halls, singing off key carols and trimming the tree. While everyone else is embracing the holiday spirit Damon Salvatore is creating as much distance from it as possible. Forced to spend his first Christmas without Elena proves to be more difficult than he had prepared himself for which results in him taking the role of Scrooge. Unfortunately for Damon this story doesn't involve a Christmas miracle or does it?

 **Authors Note:** Merry Christmas my fellow DE fansforget Damon being trapped in hell and consider this a more holiday tale for you. This pretty much takes place during the time line of Lily's death but instead of the heretics sticking around in the Boarding House they disappear. While the rest of the Supernatural Class of 2015 prepare for Christmas Damon just prepares himself to be alone. The universe has always been against him. Take the journey with Damon and see if a miracle will finally intervene.

* * *

Christmas is the time for decking the halls with boughs of holly but in Damon Salvatore's case he'd settle for simply decking someone preferably his judgmental little brother.

It's the time to relish in a silent and holy night which is something he'd gladly take over all the holiday cheer he found being spread in this town. Sure all humans were safely tucked away from hungry vampires but that didn't stop certain vampires from wanting to spread Christmas cheer.

In Damon's eyes there was nothing holly or jolly about this time of year because rather than spending it with the one he loves he'll be spending it apart from her. Even spending it with family wasn't an option considering his mother dearest was dead and Stefan had practically shunned him because he had refused to forgive her. That was the problem with Stefan add in a few crocodile tears, doe eyes and a simple 'I'm sorry' and he was more than willing to forgive and forget.

 _I care too much_

Everyone around Damon had always assumed he didn't care enough but deep down he cared too damn much and that's why forgiving and forgetting didn't come easy to him. Once upon a time he had loved and cherished his mother and when she had died he had grieved for her. Just like Katherine he had felt betrayed when it had been revealed she had been alive all along but a part of him had been willing to look past that and focus on the bigger picture, having his mom back. Hope had coursed through him just thinking about how he'd be able to share with his mom Elena and his story and he had even humored himself at his mother being present for his and Elena's wedding.

All he had wanted was for his mother to love Elena and welcome her into the family but unfortunately the universe hadn't been on his side and that dream he had held onto had only been a dream. What he had been greeted to was a full on nightmare and it only got worse after Valerie had admitted that Lily was the one responsible for why he'd have to spend sixty years of his life give or take without his life.

"Is it a Christmas miracle are you finally feeling guilty that you didn't forgive mom?"

Stefan's judgy tone catching his attention as he looks up from his tumbler casting his younger brother a sideways smirk "yes" nodding his head and not missing the look of 'hope' that surfaces on his brothers features.

"Really?"

"Yes" he repeats again "I'm thinking how I should have added in thank you for making it easier, for not making me feel guilty for passing up the chance to give you a eulogy the first time round. For realizing that the woman that now will lie six feet under is far from motherly and more like a monster. Thank you for ripping away my only happiness in the world and taking away the only woman who actually fought for me" surprising himself at how calm and collect his voice is. "Thank you for finally biting the dust so I don't have to endure the sight of you and be reminded of what you took from me. May you rot in hell and be sure to say hello to father for me." Mockingly he lifts his glass "cheers."

"Wow you really are an asshole"

Seeing the disgust on his brother's brooding features only drawing more of a smirk from Damon "correction since it is the holiday spirit and all I think you were looking for a more festive word like Scrooge" lifting the tumbler to his lips "well bah-humbug" tipping his head back and downing the rest of the contents.

"I get it that you and mom didn't have the best relationship but she didn't deserve the way you treated her."

The statement alone causing Damon's fingers to clench around the glass "and my girl didn't deserve to be locked in an eternal slumber while the world passes her by but like the Rolling Stones say you can't always get what you want" he sarcastically quips.

"Things have been tough I get it"

Scoffing because he knows his brother is about to deliver some saint like speech about trying to find light in said darkness _the only light in my life is Elena._

"I figured you'd at least be happy that we're back home. We're no longer at the Lockwood mansion."

That seemed to be the only good thing with this turn of events. With Lily the heretics had dispersed _well Love at first lay is still here_ recalling how she followed Stefan like a lost puppy. The main thing was Julian had also left something Stefan wasn't fond of considering he wanted him dead but oh well they'd find him eventually. Of course he had left a mess in his wake of destruction that had resulted in Damon being the OCD freak that he is cleaning it up.

"Oh yes I'm elated to be back in our house. A place that was overrun by heretics because you didn't have the balls to tell our mother to hit the road and don't come back no more, no more" he sing songs.

"Damon she was making threats on the town I had no choice."

"Look how well that worked out" rolling his eyes "Mystic Falls Population no humans except for Matt Donovan bravo brother truly you are worthy of hero like status."

Taking the tip of his finger he begins to trace the rim of the glass "Elena was ripped away from me" swallowing hard "this wasn't just our home but it was hers too. I danced with her right by that fire place" a longing reflecting in his defeated blues deciding to not add in how they had made love as well. "She told me she wasn't sorry for loving me" a bitter sweet smile playing on his lips recalling the passion in her voice "I told her I was going to take the cure because that's how much I love her." Steely blues remaining trained on the fire pit "that fire place has watched our relationship grow and it only seemed fitting for it to be there to experience a new one."

"What would that have been?"

"Asking her to marry me" he softly confesses. The pain of saying it out loud overwhelming him as his gaze falls to the floor for a few moments. Finally he forces his gaze to meet Stefan's as a furious shade of blue meets a saddened shade of green. "Lily robbed me of that chance and while I suffered the loss of Elena she found happily ever after playing house with her makeshift family. Instead of having the chance to be soothed by the memories Elena and I shared here I didn't even have that luxury" he hisses between clenched teeth.

"Damon" Stefan begins but is immediately cut off.

"When I stepped foot in this house thanks to Lily throwing a dinner party I prepared myself to be greeted to Elena's scent surrounding me and though I knew it would be painful like the fatalist I am I welcomed it." Pausing for a moment "and guess what" not even giving Stefan the chance to answer "nothing….her scent was wiped away and replaced by the smell of heretics. I didn't smell strawberry with a hint of vanilla….because like Elena even her presence was wiped away. So don't ask me to feel guilty for a woman who took every form of Elena away from me" by now his voice is booming as it bounces off the walls. "We might be home but as far as I'm concerned this is no longer home because home to me no longer was a place….it was with Elena and that monster of a woman that you call our mother took that from me." Feral growls escaping him as he's no longer able to control his anger causing him to slam his glass onto the coffee table.

Not in the mood to listen to whatever crap his brother feed him he rises from his spot not bothering to clean up the shards of glass and begins to exit the parlor room only to be halted at his brother's statement.

"Regardless of your feelings you shouldn't be alone tonight. It's Christmas Eve you should celebrate with the people who are still here….and care about you."

Balling his fits together keeping his back to Stefan "the only person I'd choose to spend it with on this dreadful holiday isn't here….I'll pass."

Thankfully the party that Blondie Forbes had put together wouldn't be done here. Instead they had opted to use Tyler's house since he wouldn't be using it anytime soon. Relieved that he wouldn't have to hear off key Christmas Carols and the sight of way too chipper for his taste Christmas decorations _thank the lord for that_ starting to head up the stairs leading towards the guestroom seeing as he had refused to move back into what use to be their room.

"Damon"

Knowing that Stefan was far too stubborn to give up as Damon rolls his eyes not having a change of heart.

"Bah Humbug brother."

Without another word he retreats into the guest bedroom, slamming the door behind him and locking himself away from this miserable and heart breaking holiday.

 _Merry Christmas Damon the first of many Christmases without her_

 **End Part 1**


	2. Christmas Blues

**Authors Note:** First I want to say thank you all for those who are reading this and reviewing it because it means a hell of a lot to me and second you guys made it to part two. How are you doing so far? If you know me then you know I'm not the type who delivers happily ever right away. Christmas shouldn't come easy to Damon and in this next part you're going to see with how he handles it when he bites the bullet and decides to try and celebrate this holiday. Seeing as this is Damon it's not as easy as he had hoped but maybe just maybe along the way he'll get a Christmas gift or two...

* * *

8:00pm

The time mocking him as he lay sideways on the guest bed with his gaze trained on the clock radio that was set on the night stand. Three hours, it had been three hours with Stefan gone and how did he know? At six o clock Stefan had asked him once more if changed his mind and when he was met with utter silence he had known his answer. A second later the front door had closed and Damon had heard the sound of Stefan's red coupe or as Damon liked to refer to it as 'the clown car' making its exit down the driveway.

Somewhere in Mystic Falls a very short distance away the Justice League of Idiots were forgetting their troubles and living in the now and it was something Damon knew he'd have trouble doing because unlike them their 'now' was around loved ones and his _is still without Elena_ he miserably reminds himself.

Just the thought of Elena causing a feeling of guilt to rush through him because he knows if she was here now and if he could hear her she'd insist him biting the bullet and attending this party. _Damon just because I'm not here with you doesn't mean you're forced to be alone….it's Christmas Eve and no one should be alone on Christmas especially you_ if he focused hard enough he swears he can hear her soft angelic voice whispering those exact words to him.

"Fine" throwing his hands up in the air "you win" he mutters rolling off the bed and heading over towards the dresser pulling out a pair of jeans and then moving towards the closet so that he can grab a simple black v-neck sweater. Everyone else including Stefan _because he's whipped_ would most likely be decked in some attire to showcase their holiday spirit but to Damon in his eyes he wasn't attending a Christmas Party, no in his eyes he was attending a funeral _black fits the mood._

Shifting his gaze towards the guest bathroom making him inwardly flinch knowing some stepchild of Lily's had been naked there. The temptation to head into his bathroom was the first thought that came to mind but then he reminded himself of the person who had resided there which was his mother and her precious Julian. "Ugh" making a face not even allowing himself the thought of what happened in there. With a soft sigh and clothes in hand he trudges towards the bathroom, frowning at how small it is but deciding to make do.

* * *

 _ **Merry Christmas darling**_

 _ **We're apart that's true**_

 _ **But I can dream and in my dreams**_

 _ **I'm Christmasing with you**_

Five minutes Damon had been standing outside of the Lockwood mansion and he had yet to knock on the door because he was enduring a song that spoke volumes. Of all songs to hear he just had to walk up hearing the lyrics of a song that practically if he was in a singing mood described him perfectly.

'You've got to be kidding me" he mutters wanting nothing more than to turn away and get the hell out of dodge. Instead he forces himself to stay because he knows this is what Elena would want and since he can't get her an actual present this is the least he can do.

 _ **The logs on the fire**_

 _ **Fill me with desire**_

 _ **To see you and to say**_

This song was like an eclipse he wanted to tune it out completely but he couldn't because each new lyric that slipped past the Carpenter's lips he found related to him.

Just like the song Elena and him were apart only their story was much more tragic because they hadn't chosen to be apart. No, no the universe, Kai and his mother had written that into the story. The only way Damon would find Elena would be in his dreams but they were only dreams and more so memories of their past and each time he'd wake it would leave him feeling empty instead of full.

"Damon?"

He had been so lost in the song that he hadn't heard the front door open as his brother stood in the doorway staring at him with curiosity.

"How'd you know I was here" he asks with a raised brow.

Offering him a knowing smile "vampire hearing and all" putting aside whatever differences they seem to have he steps aside to let his older brother in "what changed your mind?"

"Elena" and he says nothing else now stepping through the threshold of the house and mentally preparing himself for the hell he's about to endure which is the Christmas cheer and all that too cheerful for his taste festivities.

 _ **We wish you a Merry Christmas**_

 _ **We wish you a Merry Christmas**_

The good news is that dreadful song had finally come to an end but the bad news one a new one had begun and from the sounds of it he could pick up on Caroline belting it out. Stepping into the living room he's met with the usual crew Caroline, Bonnie, Matt, Alaric, Stefan and now _wait back up_ gaze landing on Valerie _ten bucks says Love at first Lay got invited by my brother_ resisting the urge to roll his eyes. There was a sarcastic quip in there somewhere but he held it back since it was Christmas and all. Taking note that the sudden chatter had come to a halt at his entrance making him feel uneasy but he's able to muster a weak smile and a little wave. His brow rising as he feels arms thrown around him "I'm so happy you came" Caroline's voice causing him to draw back in more confusion because when has she ever been happy to see him?

"Thank you for the invite Blondie" feeling as if Santa's workshop had thrown up as he sees the array of decorations around the room. From Santa's to Snowman to Reindeer and elves they're all here. Green and red fairy lights strung up along the room giving it that Christmas glow and of course a Christmas tree half decorated realizing that's what they had been in the process of doing.

Offering her a grateful smile seeing that she's playing hostess as she takes his jacket from him _okay so I'm here_ awkwardly rocking on his heels before making his way over to the rest of the gang not surprised when he finds Bonnie pulling him into a hug.

"She would be happy you're here"

Of course she would know the reasoning behind why he was here. Pulling back and offering her a smile "let's see how long I can last" making the rounds to Matt, offering Valerie a curt nod _maybe I'm not the odd one of the bunch_ stopping at Alaric who is in the middle of hanging up a Rudolph ornament. "Looks like she put everyone to work" he muses as Alaric turns his attention towards him and brings him into a man hug, patting him on the back.

"Good to see you came."

Nodding his head "yeah well" shrugging his shoulders "please tell me there is alcohol?"

A gruff chuckle escaping him "you'll have to settle for eggnog I've been knocking a couple of those back."

 _ **I don't want a lot for Christmas**_

 _ **There is just one thing I need**_

 _ **I don't care about the presents underneath the Christmas tree**_

 _ **I just want you all my own, more than you could ever know**_

 _ **Make my wish come true**_

 _ **Baby all I want for Christmas is you**_

Gritting his teeth together _it's like the playlist is nagging me_ "lead the way" because sure eggnog wouldn't be his first choice but at least it was something. Walking over towards the table with a snowflake tablecloth he accepts the mug that Alaric gives him. Eyeing it and making a 'what the hell is this' face.

Chuckling as he notices Damon's confused face at the festive drink in his hand "Caroline made it what did you expect" he counters "it's grated nutmeg and a candy cane in the middle to make it festive. Either suck it up or no alcohol for you" he muses.

For the first time today a shadow of an actual smile plays on Damon's lips hearing his best friend taunt him. "Fine, fine" lifting the mug to his lips, taking a short sip trying to ignore the overly sweetness of the drink and focusing on the actual alcohol. Brow furrowing in confusion when he sees Ric holding back a laugh "what?"

"Oh nothing" breaking out in a smile "you've just got a whipped cream stache going on."

"Ugh" licking his lips and removing whatever traces of cream are there "that's why I'm not a fan of this. The only time I'm a fan of whipped cream is when I'd lick it off owww" not being able to finish the sentence as he feels Alaric bump him in the shoulder causing him to mockingly rub it.

"Tread carefully with your next words" he warns but a smile on his lips none the less.

"Okay, okay I'll be good" pausing for a moment "nice" he corrects.

Alaric watching him for a moment before patting him on the back "I'm glad you're here buddy."

If only he could share the sentiments "I" wondering how to answer that.

"I know you wish circumstances were different" Ric begins reading him well "but since they aren't I'm happy you're here instead of nose deep into a bottle of bourbon."

Deciding to simply nod his head because he really doesn't know how to go about answering this.

"So" taking a sip out of his own mug "now that Mama Witch is dead what's the game plan?"

Anyone else would have made a rule that no talk of supernatural drama was allowed but here was Alaric bringing up recent events like it was any other day and he found himself grateful. "No clue" he answers, lips pursed together "far as I'm concerned her being dead is good enough for me. Julian and the rest of her evil step children fled" _except for Valerie_ "they're no longer in Mystic Falls so I see it as no longer being my problem. If they want to terrorize the locals wherever they are then they can have at it."

"Is that Stefan's train of thought as well?"

"Pft" shaking his head "nope" giving an extra pop of the 'p' "he has the desire to find Julian and kill him dedicating said kill to our mother" rolling his eyes "I could care less but most likely I'll play the dutiful older brother role and help him out. Consider it a late Christmas present and all since I didn't do any shopping."

"Guys"

A new voice entering the conversation as Damon flicks his gaze over to Bonnie finally noticing the reindeer on her sweater "busted" he says under his breath knowing she's come to collect them "let me guess Caroline sent you in to rally in the wandering reindeer?"

"Something like that" she responds with a smile "she wants everyone helping to decorate the tree."

Usually for Alaric he was the type who like Damon didn't do well with taking orders but considering how things had changed and Caroline was now carrying his and Jo's twins he found himself obliging. Turning his attention over towards Damon as he finishes the rest of his drink "you alright in doing this?"

 _It's just a tree Damon it's just a tree_ he repeats in his head _granted I would have thought my first time decorating would have been with_ not finishing that train of thought "yeah" he answers. Downing the rest of his drink knowing that's probably not the way to drink it but needing some alcohol in his system. Licking away the rest of the whipped cream, placing the now empty mug down and clapping his hands together "let's go rock around the Christmas tree."

One hour and counting he had been here and it hadn't been as bad as he had expected. The tree was close to being fully decorated and from the times Caroline had chastised him he had realized there was a special theme she wanted. Why would he be surprised that even when decorating she was controlling as ever? There was a system that he and everyone had to abide by, color coded if he placed a red ornament next to a green ornament he'd get lectured because she had wanted it to be done in layers. Green, Red silver and gold after a while though he'd find himself placing something out of order because getting Caroline to roll her eyes at him, lecture him and even huff in annoyance was something that Damon welcomed because it was normal. Placing his last silver ornament on a branch he takes a step back to admire the work.

"Ah it's perfect"

Hearing Caroline's squeal of joy causing him to shake his head because in his opinion it was too perfect for his taste, he felt like this tree would be judgmental towards the others _that sounds stupid._ Had it been him decorating with Elena they would have gone with the flow. Maybe a Santa Claus would be hanging next to a bourbon bottle ornament or a blue ornament dangling beside a reindeer. With Elena the decorating would have been simple. Color coding wouldn't have existed and he wouldn't get reprimanded at his choice of where to hang what.

Though Damon wasn't one to celebrate Christmas over the years he did have a collection of ornaments tucked safely away things from his childhood that he had cherished. Part of him wondering if Lily had found them and if she had done something to them?

"Now all we need is an angel and our tree will be officially done."

Snapping from his thoughts at Caroline's voice "we could always stick Saint Stefan atop the tree granted it might be uncomfortable on certain parts" he suggests with a grin.

"You're hilarious" his younger brother quips.

"I think I'll just settle for putting the angel on" Caroline's voice pipes in "besides it was what my mom and I always used" she adds in softly.

Watching the way Stefan immediately falls at her side and places an arm reassuringly around her "then let's go get her" the pair disappearing to fetch the angel. Not missing the look of disappointment that falls over Valerie's face and a second later her catching him staring. The look of hurt turning into a glare causing Damon to bite back a chuckle but a hand on his shoulder causing him to turn his attention away towards Valerie and over to Bonnie.

"I know you're against this holiday" seeing the protest on his face she immediately lifts her finger to silence him "but I got you a present none the less so before you leave make sure you take it."

A look of guilt clouding his expression "I really don't think its fair you give me something and I give you nothing" he murmurs.

"If it makes you feel any better I didn't buy it" she cryptically states before stepping past him and walking over to talk with Alaric.

Watching Bonnie for a moment before turning his attention towards the side of the couch noticing that a stray red ornament had escaped from making the hanging on the tree causing Damon to bend down and retrieve it. Grabbing the glass sphere ornament he walks over towards the tree, scanning until he spots an empty branch _not empty anymore_ and just as he's about to hang it on the branch he's met with a sight that makes his entire heart ache.

Standing a few feet away from him with mistletoe above them he watches as his younger brother leans in and presses a tender kiss against Caroline's lips. Even from where he's standing he knows that both Stefan and Caroline are smiling because they are lost in bliss. Something that Damon knows he won't be feeling for a very, very long time.

Swallowing hard as he focuses back on the task at hand but misjudging the placement and the next thing he's hearing is the shattering of glass as the ornament crashes onto the floor. The sound alone causing Stefan and Caroline to break apart so they can see what happened.

"I'm so-sorry" flinching at how apologetic he sounds "it slipped my head was somewhere else and" usually Damon wasn't one to explain himself but here they were having a nice Christmas with what Caroline deemed to be a perfect tree and he had screwed it up. "I dropped it" his gaze shamelessly falling to the floor noting that it's broken beyond repair _just like my heart._ Crouching down he begins to pick up each of the pieces not even flinching as a couple of shards knick him as he drops the pieces into his palm, hating the silence that has followed and knowing watchful eyes are on him. Rising from his spot he glances at everyone "I'm just going to get rid of this" and without another word he hastily makes his way out of the living room and into the kitchen so that he can dispose of the pieces.

 _I'll be home for Christmas_

 _You can plan on me_

 _Please have snow and mistletoe_

Bracing his hands against the kitchen counter as he finds himself gripping it, peering through the kitchen window he spots the mistletoe that had caused him to practically have a breakdown. Now glaring at the inanimate object because of the past memories it brings.

* * *

 _Happy, she's happy as she sits in the living room with Bonnie and her brother looking through a box of Christmas things. Her smile beaming as she enjoys the company of her friends and it thrills him but the sight also kills him because he knows deep down this is where she belongs._

 _Elena was never meant to be a vampire because there was nothing monstrous about her. 'Her heart is too damn pure to be tainted' and yet there she sat a predator and he didn't even see that. All he saw was a girl relishing in the simplicity of things and he was taking advantage of it 'more so her heart' because what him and her had shared hadn't been real._

 _The smile she directed towards her loved ones now reserved only for him as blue meets a warm shade of brown and when she summons him to come inside and join them he finds himself wanting nothing more than to do just that but instead he remains in place. Though he had nodded her off he watches her rise from her spot and each new step she takes towards him he knows is with determination._

" _With all the drama you're missing the actual fun part"_

 _A deep ache setting in his chest as he watches her lift the mistletoe above her head and more than anything he actually wants to take part in a tradition for a change but this isn't about what he wants._

" _Elena we can't" shaking his head "I can't."_

* * *

"I should have kissed her that night" he whispers to himself knowing that had been one more kiss he could hold onto but instead he had let it go _you let her go too_ recalling how the damn sire bond paranoia had made him assume the worst. That had been one missed opportunity and unfortunately for him that hadn't been the last.

* * *

" _Santa baby bring my baby over to me"_

" _Been an awful bad vamp"_

" _Santa Baby and let me kiss my girl tonight"_

 _The sound of Damon bellowing his own version of 'Santa Baby' echoing along the walls of the Boarding House as he stands on chair with the front door swung open adding the finishing touches._

" _You do realize that's nowhere near the actual version of the song not to mention since you're saying you're being a bad vamp technically speaking Santa wouldn't even visit you."_

 _Rolling his eyes at his brother hopping off the chair and quickly closing the door "you're just jealous because of my originality."_

" _Yeah that's exactly it" Stefan says with a shake of his head "you're not one for Christmas cheer so what's with all the holiday horrible song and dance?"_

" _Well little bro it seems tonight is coming up Damon" he teases "I'm being reunited with both my babies first my car" flashing his brother a smile "and soon Elena she's coming over tonight and I decided that mistletoe is actually a tradition I will gladly take part of if it gets me a kiss."_

* * *

Unfortunately for Damon that kiss had never come because thanks to Kai once again he had Kai Blocked their date and that holiday cheer that Damon had been experiencing only lasted for a few more moments. When Elena hadn't showed up he had figured last minute she had bailed until he had learned the real reason behind it. _We'll have next year_ that's what he told himself because he was sure that they'd find their way back to each other. That they'd finally get to experience a real Christmas together and sure he was participating in Christmas but not the way he yearned for.

With a soft sigh and knowing he has to face the music he pushes himself from the counter, exiting the kitchen and re-entering the living room. As expected the holiday chatter has ceased as they look at him with eyes reflecting pity. Clearing his throat as he makes a grab for his jacket "I think I'm just going to go….I thought that I could do this but who am I fooling" he honestly states before his voice lowers "I can't."

"Wait"

Caroline's protest causing Damon instead of snapping to offer her a weak smile "look" he begins "I appreciate the gesture but I'm only offering you guys a Blue Christmas you're better off without me killing the vibe"

"We get that Damon" Caroline being the voice of the others "but you can't leave without your Christmas presents."

Damon's brows furrowing in confusion "Christmas what now" looking at her as if she's crazy "I break your ornament and you want to give me a present?"

"We all do" Stefan now speaking up for the group.

Figuring Valerie probably wasn't in said category. Flicking his attention around the room at the word 'we' "I didn't get you guys anything."

"We didn't buy you anything" Caroline piping in as she walks over towards him, taking his arm and leading him over towards the sofa, pushing him down and hoping he takes a hint as he sits down. "Stefan make sure he stays right here" eyeing her boyfriend "I'll be right back."

Watching as she walks or rather skips out of the room, shifting his gaze over towards Bonnie "I don't understand."

"You might have told Stefan you weren't coming but we all hoped you would because" falling silent for a moment "this holiday is hardest on you and we want to at least try and make it a little bit easier."

"How will you do that?"

"By this" just as promised Caroline walks into the room with a box filled with gifts that are wrapped up. Walking over towards Damon and setting it right atop the coffee table.

Gaze now trained on the box, lowering as he glances inside of it noting that there are presents that are neatly gift wrapped "you said you didn't buy anything these look bought."

"Well you know me anything I give has to be in ideal condition so bought or not it's wrapped none the less" shrugging her shoulders as she takes a seat beside him "besides its Christmas." Seeing Damon begin to protest "just open it" reaching into the box she grabs a small rectangular shaped present handing it over to him "here start with this."

Hesitantly he accepts the present, eyeing it for a moment before carefully starting to rip the paper. His eyes falling upon a black cover and immediately he recognizes it. With all the paper torn off his gaze falls over towards the 'journal' inscribed neatly on the cover. It takes him a few seconds before he opens it and what falls atop his lap is enough to cause his breath to hitch.

A photo booth strip with both him and Elena looking happier than ever staring at him. Elena's beaming smile causing him to swallow hard as he tenderly runs his thumb along her cheek in the picture _god I miss you…..I miss us_ finally flicking his attention over towards his picture and instantly seeing how happy he is and even though he had been a vampire in that picture he sees the human side of him.

"This was our first date" he finally speaks up hating the silence. Feeling a shift in the couch as Caroline leans over to examine the pictures "my favorite is the second picture because she had actually gotten you to break bad boy character and be goofy."

A chuckle sounding in the room and it takes him a second to realize it's his own _even when you're not physically here with me you have the power to uplift my spirit._ "That was our first date it was after we had gone to a French Flick….well actually we didn't even finish the movie we hightailed it out of there because during the film I was throwing popcorn at hipsters of course Elena lectured me for it." Not meeting anyone's gaze because he finds it easier to speak when he's looking at her even if it is just a picture. "Finally Elena decided to take a walk on the wild side….launched it at some old man and rather than staying she bailed….I don't think we've ever laughed that much so when we were in the lobby she requested we document how perfect that night was said I owed it to her."

* * *

 _"Wait"_

 _Damon's brow arched in confusion "for?"_

 _Seeing Damon's curious look she looks at the man with his back to her, and then flicks her gaze back at the bag still on her lap. She doesn't know what possesses her as she reaches into the bag, digging out a couple pieces of popcorn. For a moment she hesitates until she makes her mind up, drawing her arm back, and firing. The pieces of popcorn hitting the man square in the head. "Go…..go" she hisses, as the man whips his head around, jumping from her seat, grabbing Damon's hand and running out of the theater, their legs carrying them as fast as they can, at a human pace._

 _The second that they exit the theater and enter into the main lobby Damon checks to make sure the coast is clear knowing someone of that age won't have the stamina to actually chase after, settling for the fact that they had left so all is well. Fixing his gaze back on Elena and seeing the wide smile on her lips which is completely infectious causing him to match her smile._

 _"I can't believe I did that" she half squeals trying to stifle her laughter._

 _"Not only did we make out but we threw popcorn at hipsters I'd say that this was a very good and original date" he teased._

 _"It was" she says with a beaming smile, her gaze catching something in the far back of the lobby "and since it's such a good date we should document it."_

 _Damon's gaze following Elena's and spotting a photo booth in the far corner "really?"_

 _"Yup" taking his hand "I was rebellious tonight and threw popcorn at an elderly man because you're a bad influence" dragging him with her down the hall "you owe me this."_

* * *

"She told me it was an unwritten rule for couples to make a silly face at the camera" rolling his eyes but smiling none the less "it was the first time she categorized us as a couple and I knew right then and there I'd do anything she'd ask of me." Glancing at the goofy expression he's making in the strips "like this."

"I've never seen her happier."

Stefan's statement drawing Damon to look at his younger brother because it was odd to hear considering once upon a time everyone had believed that Stefan had been Elena's true love. Seeing the sincerity reflecting in his brother's eyes causing Damon to give him a grateful smile "she kept the strip but I couldn't walk away without something to remember that night by so we took a single photo." Reaching into his back pocket he pulls out his wallet, flipping it open, removing it from the slip revealing a similar photo of the two only in this one he's finally gotten the grasp of making a funny face. Elena's head leaning against his, sporting a grumpy cat expression and cross eyes _she's too adorable for her own good_ Damon's expression in the photo almost matching hers having his eyes go sideways and just to add to the amusement he stuck his tongue out. Showcasing it to the others before he handles it with the utmost care and slips it back into the protective shield "this is my favorite photo of us….I carry it with me wherever I go because that person in the photo is someone who I hadn't seen happy in over a century…someone who enjoys life and that's all because of this angel." Thumb once again tracing tenderly along the photo "this serves as a reminder that I can be happy."

A sudden hush draping over the conversation before Caroline decides to speak up, placing her hand reassuringly on his shoulder "you'll find that man again" squeezing it "now" gesturing towards the journal in his hand "read the first entry."

The gesture throwing Damon for a loop because Caroline was showing him a kindness he wasn't use to _it's probably because it's Christmas and all_ he reasons. Placing the photo strip back where it was as he flips towards the first entry "I don't think I should….I mean it's a diary entry those are usually private just ask Stefan" still having yet to confess he had written a couple on his own.

"It's what she wrote before she asked me to compel her memories away of you" Alaric who had been quite the entire time during the exchange now speaking up "she'd want you to read it. You had this hopeful reunion planned out and it didn't turn out like you had expected….you should at least know her reasoning. You don't need to read it aloud besides it will help with the next gifts" he adds in.

Eyeing Alaric skeptically but feeling a bit relieved that he doesn't need to read it to everyone he nods his head. Flicking his baby blues towards Elena's beautiful penmanship as he begins to read.

 _Dear Me,_

 _If you're reading this then somebody has spilled the beans about your selective memory loss my money's on Caroline._

Even in her writing she's able to draw out a chuckle from Damon _looks like you lost said money darling_ considering it had been Stefan of all people to help in enlightening Elena.

 _Yes you loved Damon; you loved him with a passion that consumed you_

Sucking in an un-needed breath at how her words paralleled to the night that they first met "you want a love that consumes you" he whispers as he continues to read.

 _When Damon died the void he filled was too deep, too dark. Facing an eternity without your soul mate you went off the deep end, you turned into someone you weren't, a monster._

Recalling his return and how Alaric had said something about how Elena hadn't handled his death well and this cryptic entry seemed to prove it. Shooting his gaze towards Alaric for a moment before shifting his attention back towards the entry _it's cruelly ironic that these words could be my own because now I'm here in your shoes well not in your shoes because that would be quite painful….sixty years give or take for a vampire should be nothing but when it comes to having to spend life without the love of my light it might as well be forever._

 _Alaric can restore your memories all you have to do is ask but I hope that you don't. I tried it the other way and I didn't see an end to the pain. I want you to rediscover yourself in the absence of the one who defined you. If you feel any hope for the future at all then you're already better off. You've been given a second chance to start over. I want you to take it, I want you to be happy._

Swallowing hard as he blinks back the tears threatening to spill from his eyes, ever so gently closing the book and setting it down back into the box. "She wanted a second chance at life…..wanted to rediscover herself" shaking his head "but I can't take a page out of this book because it's not possible. She defined me, shaped me into the better man worthy of her love. Worthy of you guys actually caring enough to do this" he notes. "If she wanted me to rediscover myself and figure out who I am without her" pursing his lips together "other than being a lost man I'm a man who finally allowed himself to dream. After transitioning and then getting my heart broken by Katherine over a century later I said goodbye to dreaming but Elena allowed me to dream" licking his lips. "I wanted forever with her because our love is the type of love that should be everlasting not to mention I really at the introduction of the cure couldn't picture myself being human but she wanted to be which made me want to be as well."

 _Five years from now where do you see yourself?_

"All I saw was Elena" he confesses "so wherever she was well it was good enough for me. Unlike her I didn't have my life mapped out but now without her as shocking as it is I found that I've grown because I finally allowed myself the idea of a future. ….a human life."

"Elena took that cure" he viewed it as a blessing because he knew how much she wanted to be human again but also a curse because being human had been the reason for why she couldn't be healed and why she wasn't here with him now. "She wanted a chance to grow up, have the life that consisted of normal because everything around her has been far from normal. She wanted to do something she loved, getting married, having kids, and growing old. I never understood it before and I sure as hell never understood how you could give up the perks of being a vampire to be human but now" a soft smile displaying on his lips "now without her I get it."

"When I first decided to take the cure with her I was doing it solely for her" he admits "but now I realize that I want it for myself too. I want to be human with her. I want the normal because for over a century of my life" releasing a soft sigh "and now more my life has been anything but normal. I use to think being a vampire and having eternity was the definition of living life but now I see it in a whole new light. Living is seeing life as something precious and not taking it for granted. I want to marry her. I want to have the honor of going to some event" thinking about it for a moment "probably some medical event because she wants to be a doctor" he says with a smile knowing his girl will succeed "and being introduced to her friends and colleagues as her husband. I want to feel her heartbeat against my chest falling into sync with my own as we lie in bed completely spent from making love." Hearing the slight agitated growl most likely figuring it had been Alaric _opps tmi on that one_ "sorry buddy" he apologies. "You know how they say when a woman is pregnant she has a certain glow about her" that smile once again creeping up on him "I want to see that and maybe I'm bias because she'd give all pregnant women a run for their money because she'd be absolutely stunning." A rich chuckle escaping him "I want to be woken up a two am with her yelling and barking orders at me because of her weird pregnancy cravings…and what most men dread getting out of bed to get said food I'd do it with a smile on my face. I want to admire the sight of her holding our baby."

Missing the looks that Alaric, Caroline and Stefan share as he continues with opening himself up completely "I want her and everyone around us to see the light in my eyes as I hold our baby because that single moment alone she'd be able to see how truly content I am with life." The more he goes on and actually admits it aloud causing him to feel countless sets of emotions rushing through him. "I want to grow old with her because in my eyes she'll still be the most beautiful woman wrinkles and all…..I want to tell our kids and grand-kids the story of our love because it deserves to be heard."

From the side he catches sound of a few sniffles figuring its most likely Bonnie or Caroline _can't be Valerie she sure as hell doesn't like me….is she even here_ he wonders. Curiosity getting the best of him as he searches the room and sure enough he finds her sitting in a chair with a somber expression.

"It took a hell of a long time for me to say I've finally grown up because I no longer desire the materialistic things. Now all I want is the meaningful ones and what I just described" wishing more than anything Elena was here so she could hear it for herself "I want all that and more with her."

 ** _Rocking around the Christmas tree_**

 ** _Have a happy holiday_**

The faint music in the background reminding him that this was a party and here he is spilling his heart out _whoever would have thought I'd take on the role of buzz kill_ deciding that it's time to take his leave he rises from the couch. "I think it would be best if I opened up the rest in the privacy of my own home" _that way I can cry if I want to._ Grabbing the box wanting to make his exit but once again Caroline snatches his arm keeping him from going "you can't go yet" she's quick to state as he eyes lock onto Alaric's.

"Why is that?"

"Because I haven't given my gift to you yet"

Damon's gaze whipping over towards Alaric who now seems to have taken the stage as he stands in the center of the room "oh" brow arched in his best friends direction as he glances to see that he's not holding anything "and what gift might that be?"

"Sharing with you the moment that Elena knew she was in love with you."

 **End Part 2**


	3. Christmas Revelations

**Authors Note:** It's officially 3 am making it Christmas so Merry Christmas to you all and I think it's only fitting this be my gift to you. Thank you for all the kind reviews and taking the time to read. In this chapter you'll see how Damon reacts to finding out the moment Elena knew. The gang will also share some confessions with him and maybe a Christmas miracle might happen…..

* * *

 _Sharing with you the moment that Elena knew she was in love with you_

That statement being enough to freeze Damon in his tracks completely as he locks eyes with Alaric "I already know."

Disappointment clear in their face with the exception of Valerie considering she has no clue what's going on. This 'gift' had been something in hopes to comfort Damon and if he knew well that wouldn't be of much help. Caroline now taking one for the team as she speaks up "you do?"

Nodding his head "yeah."

Everyone else seems fooled but Alaric "so then when was it?" he curiously asks.

"It was before Stefan went missing when she told me she wasn't sorry for being in love with me" a short smile tugging at the corner of his lips "among other things."

"Well sorry buddy but that wasn't it. Yes that was her saying it aloud but that wasn't the moment when she realized she was in love with you."

Now Damon seemed confused as he eyed the bunch "then when was it?"

"Sit your ass down and I'll tell you"

Bonnie stepping in as she takes the box that Damon is holding and sets it gently on the table "what he means to say is you should sit down for this."

More than anything Damon wanted to high-tale it the hell out of there. Pull a girly cliché and eat ice cream from the container only instead of whipped cream being poured on it he'd look to bourbon _I'm one step closer to singing a horrible ballad of All by myself._ Deciding he had nothing to lose and maybe something to gain he humors them and takes a seat "alright, I'm all ears you officially have the floor."

Seeing as this was going to be quite the conversation Alaric ends up pulling a chair more towards the center of the room before taking a seat. For a moment he doesn't talk as he figures out a game plan on how he wants to go about doing this. "When Elena came to me about compelling you and her love for you away you need to know I didn't want to do it" eyeing Damon for a moment and continuing when he gives a curt nod "but she was stuck on going through with it and in order for it to work I had to rewire her brain….searching through her memories that led to how she felt about you."

Damon shifting uncomfortably in his chair already finding he wasn't a fan of this "o-kay."

"She didn't do this with a smile on her face you need to know that. She was sad because she didn't want to stop loving you but as you read in her entry she knew she wouldn't have a future if a ghost of her past still remained. I asked her who is Damon Salvatore" recalling that day perfectly because he had heard that mantra throughout the day. "She said how you were her boyfriend, she loved you and you died. As a follow up I asked how you two met and she said in high school."

 _Maybe if I had met you first_

* * *

Oh the irony to it all because they had met first

" _I know Bonnie"_

 _The voice alone causing Damon to snap out of the victim act and find his dead heart reviving itself as he rises into a sitting position. Intently focusing on the voice that he already knew was unmistakable. Shifting his head towards the direction that the voice is coming from as he peers into the dark woods_ _it can't be she's in the tomb…..it's impossible_ _the logical part of him reasons but is brushed off because a hopeful part of him wants this to be real._

" _I just can't bring myself to tell him at least not tonight. I'll call you later"_

 _Tell who? Brows furrowing in confusion, now standing to his feet and flashing over to where the figure is making their way so that he can get a better look_ _this has to be real._ _The voice, the voice that had haunted his every dreams matched perfectly but her attire as he finally spotted her didn't fit at all._ _'_ _Maybe she is in hiding'_ _he reasons now standing before her wanting answers "Katherine" her name slipping past his lips sounding as if it's an unanswered prayer finally being answered._

 _Finally noticing her look up at him from her cell phone, confusion he notes clear on her expression as she turns around to see if he's speaking to someone else. Seeing that there is no one behind her "um no….I'm Elena."_

* * *

"I asked her what you were like"

That statement causing Damon's brow to rise because honestly he was curious about what she had thought of him during their first encounter.

"She said that there was something different about you…dangerous but not in a way that scared her. She said that you were exciting."

Their encounter might as well just happen yesterday because he recalled it perfectly. Every word she said he could recite and he even could remember that lyrical laughter that rang in his ears and though he didn't admit it to himself then he could now admit it was enough to bring him back to life.

"I asked her how you made her feel" Alaric continues making sure to keep his gaze trained on Damon so that he can gauge his reaction because he knows this isn't easy for his best friend "and she said that you made her feel like anything was possible…I thought that was all that needed to be done." Shaking his head "I began to re-wire her memories saying that she had a nice moment on the road with a stranger but that's all you were."

* * *

 _Time standing still between them as they seem to remain in a stare down, looking or rather gazing at one another and he finds himself torn because of what he's feeling as he looks into her eyes, blue meeting brown._

 _Elena the one to break the silence, not accepting or denying it "so what do you want?"_

 _The question simple, small talk and anyone else would simply answer but Damon wasn't just anyone causing her question to leave him absolutely speechless. Never had anyone cared enough to ask about his dreams, desires, wants, and passions but here was this girl someone he had barely known and yet she had been kind enough to ask him. Damon's lips drawn together in thought before they open and just as he's about to speak the sound of a horn sounds breaking them both out of their trance._

 _Irritated with whoever decided to interrupt this moment but also half grateful because he hadn't been open with his feeling in years. Always concealed by a mask and tonight it had almost shown and he couldn't afford that at least not now. Watching as Elena turns around "that's my parents" she explains turning back to meet his gaze._

 _Damon now standing practically face to face with her and the second that her doe eyes meet his he lets his pupils dilate drawing her into his usual compulsion only this time he wasn't compelling away his eating habits. "I want you to get everything that you're looking for" usually everything he told his victims were lies he had constructed but for the first time in a long time he was being honest. "Right now I want you to forget this happened" a small part of him not wanting that at all "can't have people knowing I'm in town yet" offering her a small smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes. Locking this moment into memory and as odd as it seems even though she has Katherine's face he doesn't see Katherine, he only sees her. "Goodnight Elena."_

 _Concealed in the shadows Damon watched as she entered the car, and just like that he watched as she left. Stepping out from the shadows he releases a soft sigh wondering if he had done the right thing._ _'_ _Of course you did I barely know the girl…..she's just a stranger; she's not Katherine'_ _ignoring how he had been willing to open up to her. There had been a connection between them. Something even he couldn't deny but whatever had been between them was now gone because not only had she disappeared but so did this encounter._

 _'Two ships passing in the night'_ _continuing to walk down the long and winding road figuring he'd pick up something to eat after visiting his mom._

* * *

"Who knew that those two strangers would turn out to be each other's soul mates?" Damon more so whispering it to himself "what happened after you said that?"

"She spoke about the Miss Mystic Falls pageant and how you had stepped in to take the place of your brother."

Chancing a glance he watches as Stefan casts his gaze to the floor figuring its more so out of guilt seeing as during that time Stefan had been well not his Saintly and dutiful self. Just the mention of the pageant causing a flash of memories to hit Damon.

"She said that you saved her from being embarrassed in front of everyone. Explained how you took her arm and led her out with all the rest of the girls and their dates and you danced."

* * *

 _Dressed in a monkey suit Damon Salvatore found himself debating on ditching this function and drowning himself in alcohol. Since he was a founding family member he had done his job of donating and making an appearance, but ever since finding out that Saintly Stefan had dropped the Saintly act and gone back to drinking human blood his mood had dropped. There was also the fact that he didn't feel the need to observe Stefan and Elena dancing since he still had Katherine and Stefan dancing fresh in his brain from 1864. 'Alright I made the rounds time to go get me some rounds' and just as he's about to make his getaway he hears Elena's name being announced. Though his mission is to leave he decides to just stick around a moment more so that he can see her all dolled up._

' _Elena Gilbert escorted by Mister Stefan Salvatore'_

 _Mayor Lockwood's voice announces as Damon sees her standing above on the stairway, flicking his attention towards the end of the stairs expecting to see his white knight of a brother there, but instead he's nowhere to be seen. 'Alright brother time to make your grand entrance searching him out trying to spot him through the crowd'. Watching as Elena descends down the stairs and even though he can see she's keeping it together when she doesn't spot her boyfriend he can tell inside she's panicking. A hint of annoyance running through him that of all days Stefan had chosen this one to bail out. Damon's gaze flicking over towards the stand-in, obviously this guy knew the moves, but he didn't know Elena, and if someone was finally going to have the excuse to have her in their arms it sure as hell wasn't going to be a stranger. As if on autopilot he pushes through the crowd, making his way over towards the end of the stair case and awaiting her._

 _The second that he's at the stairs he watches as she gracefully draws closer to him. Immediately his eyes take her in deeming her to be an angel. A breath taking angel, because vampire or not as he stands here awaiting this true vision making her way closer he finds that his very breath is being stolen from him. There's a rush of something he's feeling and it terrifies him to the point that he's tempted to leave, but then he also feels excitement that he'll be able to share this dance with her and its reason enough for him to stay._

* * *

"She took my breath away" a slight chuckle escaping Damon able to vividly recall her coming down the stairs with such grace.

"She experienced the same thing on her end as well" Alaric's gaze sweeping over towards Stefan feeling kind of off considering during this timeframe Elena and Stefan had been together "she said the day of the dance was the first time she felt how good looking you were."

"Sexy" Caroline corrects earning a glare from Alaric as she raises her hands in surrender "don't blame me I'm just making sure you tell the story right."

"Fine" rolling his eyes "she realized how sexy you were…she knew you were attractive looking but she didn't want to allow herself to actually see you in that way."

Hearing Alaric use the word sexy causing a chuckle to escape Damon finding that he's once again allowing himself to relive that day and remembering how he had a revelation of his own.

* * *

 _The minute that they had lifted their hands and began their dance something had changed, and Damon had felt it instantly. The time that he had been trying so hard to convince himself that it was a simple attraction no longer there, because something was there, and he couldn't stop it even if he wanted to. With such an intense dance their gazes with each other had to be held, stormy blue remaining trained on a warm shade of brown. Their eyes blazing into each other, each reflecting fire and in those moments of dancing the annoyance he had been holding for his brother for bailing suddenly turning into Damon being grateful because he had been given this moment with Elena. An unspeakable bond surging through them and it scares the hell out of Damon as they circle around each other just how desperate he finds himself wanting, needing her in his arms._

 _Like an answered prayer suddenly she's there, her chest meeting his and he marvels at the way their bodies mold together. He's holding her in his arms, and it's frightening and yet exhilarating, and in that moment he finds himself wishing that this dance wouldn't end, that it would play on forever, because he wants to share every dance with her._

* * *

"I told her that she went down the stairs and no one was there"

That comment causing Damon to scoff in annoyance "remind me never to let you tale a bedtime story because you lack originality considering you could have at least said some backup escort was waiting so she wouldn't need to feel humiliated over it."

"Hey dick I was making it up as I go cut me some slack" Alaric argues back.

"Alright, alright" waving him off "continue."

"That moment hadn't been enough though because when I asked her who is Damon Salvatore she sang the same tune."

"Okay then what?"

"She brought up the sire bond thinking that was the signature moment because while everyone else insisted her feelings for you weren't real she believed otherwise."

Even now the mention of sire bond causing him to flinch because he had let that paranoia get the best of him and because of it a domino effect had happened.

Carefully Alaric words the next statement "I told her that her feelings were because of the sire bond" seeing Damon tense in his seat "it still didn't work though….I told her that she had to dig deeper which caused her to bring up the night of the motel."

Denver, it had been a curse and a blessing the blessing being that something had shifted between them that night in the grungy motel room. Where he had lay beside and his fingers had casually interlaced with her own. Remembering the surprise he felt when his attuned hearing had picked up on the sound of her racing pulse and a second later she had fled the room before he had the chance to ask questions. Of course Damon had questioned her but instead of answering him something had carried her straight towards him shocking the hell out of him when her lips had met his.

"She said how she wasn't back together with Stefan yet and she explained how when" deciding to not add a certain part into the conversation, clearing his throat "how all she wanted to do was kiss you."

"So then was that it?"

"It took a lot of tries but it got to the point where she began to get frustrated one past memory after the other. I tried to draw it out of her but something was holding her back from truly opening up. She even went as far as wanting to forget the idea and before I had the chance to say anything else she walked out."

Alright now he was confused because he had been sure the moment she had realized she had been in love with him was the night of graduation when she had given him her 'I'm not sorry that I'm in love with you speech' and if it wasn't that then he assumed maybe when they slept together? _Why would she not want to open up about that_ confusion present on his features "why the hell was she so stubborn about opening up?"

"Because she didn't want to admit that she had fallen in love with you when she was still with me."

Was it possible for a vampire to get whiplash because right now he swore he was experiencing it as his head whipped around and his gaze now trained in his brother's direction "what?"

"For as long as I can remember Elena's biggest fear was becoming Katherine" Stefan begins.

"She was never Katherine" Damon is quick to defend.

"I know that….we know that" he adds in "but she didn't. Elena didn't want to end up loving both of us. She didn't want to hurt me" hesitantly Stefan moves from his spot and takes a seat on the coffee table in front of his brother. "I put her thorough hell and still through it all she remained at my side. Elena did love us both but unlike Katherine it was genuine and real and because of that it scared her so much and caused her to hide what she felt….for you" he says softly.

Damon knew that well Elena was loyal and faithful to Stefan refusing to hurt him but during those lingering stares, stolen kisses and special moments between them she had hurt him. They had shared so many physical and metaphorical tangos with each other and each time he felt a sense of hope she crushed him _always Stefan._ "So" nervously he licks his lips his gaze on his younger brother before turning back to Alaric "when did she know?"

"The night of her eighteenth birthday."

Disbelief immediately showcasing on Damon's darkened yet surprised features because there was no way in hell after Stefan being ripped away from her that she had fallen in love with him "wh….what" he practically croaks out, swallowing hard.

"Elena didn't want to go through with the party Caroline planned" hearing a huff from the side Ric tosses his gaze at her "sorry" turning his attention back to Damon "she was absolutely miserable and not in the partying mood. She wanted to put on a brave face because Caroline had gone through so much but as she stood in Stefan's room she ended up realizing she wanted to be selfish and not go down but then you came into the room."

Remaining eerily silent as he listens to the story and even with years passed he still recalls that night vividly, remembering how he had wanted to practically throw Blondie and the rest of the idiots out of his house, because he knew Elena hadn't wanted it.

* * *

 _This isn't what she wanted, because it was too much, and these people? Did she even give a rat's ass about them? Damon's guess would be no, because they were your regular run of the mill high school idiots who had no idea who Elena really was and what she had to go through day in and day out. If it had been up to Damon he would have had an intimate gathering with her loved ones. Either he would have made food or ordered pizza, broken out the alcohol and let them do whatever figuring now was a good time for this because she needed it. Instead though Blondie Forbes had taken over suggesting that this huge ass birthday bash have anyone and everyone in town, because this is what Elena wanted, but Damon knew better. As much as he wanted to refuse Caroline he eventually couldn't fight her nagging anymore and gave in which also included his house for the night since it was the perfect place to host a party._

 _Now here he stood leaning in the doorway of his brother's bedroom, and yes it had been the first place he allowed his feet to carry him, because he knew she would be here 'always Stefan' he reminds himself. That familiar ache rising in his chest knowing that since Elena had yet to grace the party she was up here longing for her beloved who unfortunately wasn't him. During the summer ever since Stefan had been Team Klaus joining the Big Bad Wolf, Elena and him had grown closer, they had become each other's support and each other's rocks, and because of it Damon had fallen even deeper in love with her which he didn't think was possible. 'Enough with the pity party tonight isn't about you it's about her' he thinks. Damon's gaze trained on the angel standing a few feet away from him, and with the white lace dress it added more to the angelic appeal. With his reflection now in the mirror he silently announced himself as Elena met his gaze in the mirror._

" _Don't worry I'm not going to lose it, at least not before the cake."_

 _Here it was her birthday, her party and she was holding it together because she didn't want to let Caroline down 'she's amazing' snapping himself from his love sick daze offering a shrug of his shoulders "it's your party you can cry it you want to."_

* * *

"You walked into the room to give her your birthday gift. It was the necklace that Stefan had given her and she knew that you knew the importance of that necklace…what it meant for her feelings for Stefan" he carefully says. "She was well aware how you felt about her but you had been willing to put aside your own feelings and focus on her by giving her the one thing that held hope for her and your brother. She knew how much it hurt you."

* * *

 _Damon recalled the look of hope that had been restored he saw it instantly reflecting in her warm brown eyes as she had caught his gaze for a moment before looking at the necklace in disbelief._

 _"I thought I'd never see it again" watching as she reaches into the box and gently takes it out so she can hold it. Damon continuing to watch the look of content fill her and he figures she's most likely thinking back to the time Stefan had first given it to her. "Alaric found it in his loft and figured you'd be happy to get it back" he says nonchalantly, and yes it had been found in Alaric's loft, but Alaric hadn't been the one to find it, hell like he'd be able to find anything. It had been Damon who had searched high and low, and he hadn't gotten lucky with Alaric's apartment right of the bat. Countless other places had been searched and Alaric's loft had been the last place and after an annoying game of hide and seek he had finally found it._

* * *

"In her eyes it was the most selfless thing you had ever done and in that moment she loved you."

Maybe vampires didn't need to breathe but he found himself holding his breath as he listened to the story.

"She didn't want to love you because it terrified her but for that moment she loved you."

A hush surrounding the room as everyone watches his reaction to this new revelation. "He-her birthday" he whispers, doubt laced in his tone because he's still having difficultly wrapping his head around all of this. Elena had been utterly destroyed over Stefan's absence hell her crying on his shoulder time and time again had been proof of it but each time he had been there. Had it killed him to see the woman he loves longing for his brother? Hell yeah but he had endured it all "I would have done anything for her…..if she had wanted to the moon I would have found a way to retrieve it for her because all I wanted was for her to be happy" swallowing "and that happiness was found in the necklace." Blinking back the tears threatening to fall as he realizes he had been good enough for her, his gaze flicking back between everyone and ending at his brother knowing it must have been hard for him to sit through this "wh-why are you telling me this?"

"Because you don't have the option of making new memories with Elena brother" placing his hand reassuringly on Damon's shoulder "but maybe now this will give you a whole new perspective on the old ones."

"The night of the Michelson Ball"

It's Bonnie's voice that catches his attention as he turns to his side meeting her gaze. Back when they were in the prison world since they really didn't have much to do talking always seemed fitting and of course during those talks Elena was always mentioned by Damon.

"Your love wasn't the problem Damon" offering him a comforting smile "Elena was the problem at least feeling wise because she still wouldn't allow herself to openly admit what she felt for you."

"She told me once that you snuck up on her and when she was around you it consumed her" Matt quietly adds in.

"That steamy kiss in Denver that you shared" Caroline's turn to speak up already finding herself gushing about it because yeah at the time she really hadn't been a fan of Damon but girl talk was always a must. "You were asked to join her on the road because she wanted to sort out her feelings for you. That kiss wasn't just lust taking over her but the longing she had held for you."

"The sire bond" Stefan begins but gets cut off by Damon.

"You don't need to do this brother you sat through enough."

"No" he firmly states "I do because for the longest time I let my insecurities and selfishness get the best of me. You always put Elena first, you became each other's rocks and I saw how she brought out your humanity so I wasn't surprised when it came to you loving her. I didn't like it" he admits "but I put it past me because for the longest time I believed it was only love on your end but then when she broke up with me and the reason was you I allowed past bitterness to get the best of me. I wasn't blind. I'd catch the way you two would look at each other, see her eyes light up at your very presence and even when you fought there was passion laced behind it." Running a hand through his hair "I didn't want to accept what I knew all along because it hurt too much so instead I took the coward's way out and let myself believe that her feelings were all because of the sire bond."

"Stefan" not sure what to say to that but feeling that his brother has said his peace.

"No Damon" this time his voice booming in the room because he's been holding this in for far too long and it's time he let it out. "I'm sorry" he finally says feeling a heavy burden lifted from him and now finding that it's easier to speak. "I'm sorry that I couldn't see how happy you were and instead of accepting it I did everything in my power to end it. I'm sorry that you once again had to feel like you weren't good enough to be loved because you were and Elena is proof of that. Tonight you said that you learned something and so did it. Elena might have been with me first but" offering his brother a soft smile "it's always been you Damon and I wasn't okay with that then but I am now and I'm sorry for not seeing it sooner."

It amazes Damon because everything that his brother is now saying seems to heal past wounds. The mention of 'good enough' and 'always you' enough to cause Damon's eyes to fall to the floor because he can feel he's about to break but he holds it back. Flicking his gaze up so that blue meets green, rising from his spot glad that Stefan takes the hint before throwing his arms around his Stefan "thank you little brother."

The action surprising Stefan causing him to be non responsive for a few seconds before he finally processes that his older brother is hugging him. Wrapping his arms around him as he returns the hug "Merry Christmas Damon."

Already he finds himself feeling sentimental and knows at any second he's going to pull a Stefan and cry Stefan causing him to give his brother one last pat on the back before he draws back. Flicking his gaze around the room "thank you for tonight…for caring enough in making this first Christmas without her less miserable" feeling choked up as his gaze flicks to the tree before focusing back on everyone "this is a lot to process and I appreciate what you all did but I'd like to go home now."

"We understand buddy."

Giving Alaric an appreciative smile "thank you" shifting his gaze around the room "all of you."

"Damon"

A voice he's not familiar with catching his attention surprised to see that Valerie has finally spoken up other than her curt hello she had given him upon entering the room "yes?"

"I didn't have the pleasure of knowing Elena but she sounds like someone I would have considered an honor to meet and tonight is just proof that you two share a one of a kind love and that type of love will make it through anything."

When it came to the heretics Damon wasn't really a fan but Valerie of course had helped with the 'mama' issue and now hearing her actually been sincere towards him caused him to deem her as of now his most tolerable heretic. "We always survive" he says with a bitter sweet smile. Feeling satisfied he reaches for the box that still contained gifts he had yet to open, grabbing his jacket and tossing it over his shoulder. Though he was touched by tonight he couldn't bring himself to go around the room and give hugs so instead he settled for a simple smile "thank you again for making tonight a little easier now enjoy your party the way it deserves to be enjoyed" and without a word he disappears out of the living room heading towards the entry way of the house.

"Damon"

Hearing his name but ignoring it continuing to walk because he's pretty sure he doesn't have the strength to hear one more memory.

"Damon"

Bonnie's voice calling him as he hears her jogging up behind him.

"You have vampire hearing you can hear me"

With a soft sigh entering the foyer he spins around to face her "guilty as charged….what is it?"

"You almost forgot your Christmas present" revealing a mini vintage glass alcohol bottle in her hand.

Damon's gaze dropping to the item in her hand obviously knowing that it's alcohol but the small bottle that could be a shot making him confused "is this your way of telling me I need to cut back on my drinking?"

"No" shaking her head "this is me telling you to shut up" placing the bottle carefully into the box "take it….drink it when you get home" wrapping her arms around him pulling him into a hug "Merry Christmas Damon."

Awkwardly returning the hug considering the box makes it difficult. The wishing of having a Christmas already making him feel down seeing as merry meant happy and he was far from it. Putting on a brave face he pulls back with a smile "I doubt mine will be merry but thank you."

Pulling open the front door for him "have a little hope it is Christmas after all and miracles do happen."

 _Not for me_ deciding not to answer that "goodnight Bonnie" and without another word he's exiting the house, heading towards his car to unlock it and loading the box carefully inside. Glancing to the house he sees Bonnie still watching him, lifting his hand and waving to her before slipping inside of his car and heading off.

Waving from the doorstep until Bonnie sees that he's disappeared from sight "tell her I miss her" she whispers, staring up into the sky for a few seconds before the cold night air gets to her causing her to retreat inside and join the rest of the gang.

* * *

Over an hour and a half had passed since he had gotten home and he found himself seated on his favorite reading chair by the fireplace. Usually his gaze would be focused on the flames in the fire pit but instead they were focused on the box in front of him. There were still a couple of unopened items, Elena's items in the box and as curious as he was he still had yet to find the strength to open it.

Impatiently he drums his fingers along the coffee table "oh this is ridiculous" he huffs out as he reaches inside the box and pulls an item out noting how light it feels. Carefully he begins to tear the paper his eyes widening at the single flower that is now revealed and though it's worse for wear and well not as vibrant as it use to be he recognizes it instantly as one of the flowers that had been in the bouquet he had gotten her for their first date.

* * *

 _Was it possible for vampire's to get butterflies in their stomach, because that's what he was feeling right now_ ' _well_ _look at that my time machine worked and I'm back to being a boy who has yet to go through puberty….you'd think I haven't done this before'_ _rolling his eyes_ ' _well technically I haven't'_ _._ _Scolding the voice in his head to shut up, because it wasn't like him and Elena hadn't been together, because they were very together, but that mostly consisted of behind closed doors. Tonight they would be sitting in a restaurant and would be using their mouths on other matters for a change. What if he screwed up? What if being a boyfriend wasn't something he was skilled at? Stefan knew how to do the dating thing, but what if_ _'_ _shut up…shut up….shut up.'_

 _Damon had been standing in front of the closed door for five minutes now. Usually his door remained wide open, but seeing as Elena was living here he didn't have the option of picking her up like a gentleman was expected to do, which is why this was the next best thing._

 _Damon raises his fist to the oak door, knuckles rapping against it as he waits for Elena to grace his presence._

 _Less than a second later his bedroom door swings open revealing Elena, immediately a soft smile showcases on her lips as she looks Damon over "hi."_

 _The moment that the door swings open Damon feels his breath being stolen from him which is ironic considering circumstances. His gaze taking in her appearance noticing this floral printed mini dress isn't something he's seen her wearing before, and already he finds himself to be a fan. In her hand she holds a black sweater jacket, him figuring it's her way of keeping up appearances just in case it's cold in the restaurant. "Wow" he finally says "you look breath taking….and that coming from a vampire is the highest of compliments."_

 _"You too" she's quick to state before a nervous laugh escapes her "I mean you look handsome" and he does wearing a black v-neck sweater and dark jeans._

 _"Well thank you" flashing her a smile before revealing what he's holding behind his back " and since it is customary….these are for you" in his hands he holds a bouquet that features lavender roses, purple carnations, purple alstormeria, lavender matsumuto asters, green button spray chrysanthemums, lavender snapdragons, bells of Ireland , huckleberry, and one single red tulip._

 _"Oh Damon" gawking at the beautiful bouquet he's presented to her "they're beautiful."_

 _"They pale in comparison against you" it's not a line or a cheesy statement because you can hear the sincerity dripping in his tone. Clearing his throat "the lavender symbolizes devotion" he explains to her._

 _"What about" her thumb skimming along the petals of the tulip "what does this one mean?"_

 _"It's a declaration of love."_

* * *

A smile beaming on his lips as he remembers their first date "a declaration of love" his thumb ever so lightly ghosting along the petals of the tulip. "You told me that usually kisses come after the date but" a chuckle escaping him "you said we had never done normal and then you kissed me" talking to her as if she's sitting right beside him "and the second your lips touched mine all nervousness vanished."

Carefully he sets the flower down onto the coffee table reaching back into the box and pulling once again something light and rectangular shaped. Hesitating for a moment before slowly peeling the wrapping off a bold print of "Pierrot le Fou" catching his attention immediately now knowing what it is.

* * *

 _"In the menu under egg plant Parmesan they should have in the description as tasty as if you were snacking on yourself ….I mean that was better than blood" he explains with one arm draped casually over her._

 _"Damon" she scolds swatting his chest "there are people here."_

 _Rolling his eyes "oh please like they could hear us they are too busy prepping for the notes they are about to be taking." Gaze sweeping across the room as he notices some people with notebooks and sketchbooks in hands, most likely an assignment of some sort._

 _"Speaking of" Elena whispers in his ear as her head rests on his shoulder "why are we even here….I don't know French, what is this movie even about?"_

 _Shrugging his shoulders "who knows it's a French film with subtitles sounds thrilling" now tucking his arm around her waist._

 _Reaching into the bag of popcorn that he had bought for them, popping a piece into her mouth "need I remind you that you're the one who chose this film, and place" her gaze glancing at the now dim theater signaling that the movie is about to start._

 _"I know" reaching into the bag and tossing a couple into his mouth "who says we're even going to watch the movie?"_

 _"Did you really bring me in here to live out your fantasy of making out in a theater come true" she teases, taking her hand and patting his cheek "nice try."_

 _"Huh Elena" mocking a gasp "I am shocked, this is our first date, keep your hands off me" flashing a smirk "I'll show you in a second….soon as the movie starts."_

* * *

Placing the movie stub next to the flower he releases a defeated sigh because each new gift that he unwraps from their past is like ripping the band aid off only it's not a simple sting because it hurts like hell.

"Ugh" he groans "if I'm going to continue to do this I'm going to need alcohol" he muses. Rising from his spot and just as he's about to walk over towards the drink cart to fix himself a drink he remembers Bonnie's gift. Walking over towards the box he reaches inside grabbing the glass bottle and eyeing it. Carefully he unscrews the cap, lifting it to his nose and inhaling but not recognizing the scent. "Not like it's going to kill me" he mutters to himself as he tips his head back, and lowers the bottle to his mouth as the amber liquid flows straight down his throat.

Though he downs the bottle completely he finds himself falling into a slight coughing fit because it's like nothing he's ever tasted. There's a sweetness to it he certainly picks up on that but whatever is mixed in it doesn't flow nicely. _Why the hell would Bonnie give me this_ eyeing the bottle skeptically before shrugging his shoulders and placing it back on the coffee table. Glancing over towards the Grandfather clock he sees that it's officially ten more minutes until Christmas and already he knows everyone else in the world is counting the minutes while he finds himself wishing he could add more. So far, so good, Damon had been able to get through Christmas Eve but once that clock struck midnight it would be Christmas and rather than embracing the one he loves he'll find himself only holding onto the memories.

Sadness spreading across his expression to match the sadness he feels in his heart and it seems the weight of being alone on this night is enough to make him sink back down onto the couch. Damon's gaze flicking around the room not spotting anything that would remind him that it's Christmas and suddenly he finds himself thinking how the house would be decorated if Elena was here.

Of course they would have a tree in the parlor room because it only seemed fitting and the tree wouldn't be some puny little thing oh no, no it would be the greatest of them all. _Twenty feet_ glancing up at the ceiling and knowing it would do just fine because of the space and knowing Elena would have one hell of a time decorating the tree from bottom to top. _Probably would have to use a step ladder_ he amusingly thinks to himself. Flicking his gaze over towards the fire place and knowing that they would have stocking's with their names on it hanging from the mantle. Since Damon wasn't one to get into the Christmas spirit he would have gone above and beyond for Elena knowing the importance of this holiday for her. Lights would be strewn from the ceiling and he was sure little knick knacks of Santa and his Elves would be scattered about _oh and mistletoe of course._

 **Ding**

 **Ding**

 **Ding**

 **Ding**

The Grandfather clock bellowing through the room announcing what Damon dreads "Merry Christmas Baby" rubbing his eyes because suddenly he feels a wave of exhaustion hit him. The plan for tonight had been to drink, drink, drink and drink until he forgot his own name and hopefully slept through this day but it seemed that sleep was coming now and he decided not to fight it. Sinking more onto the couch and making himself comfortable "I wish you were here" he wishes and just like that he finds himself falling deep into a slumber he cannot fight as darkness takes over.

* * *

Blue eyes slowly fluttering open _well that sleep didn't last long_ his brows furrowing in confusion when he notices that he's no longer in the living room but instead "wait what" bringing himself into a sitting position as he realizes that he's in his own room. Not only is he in his own room but his bed is here along with his sheets. The smell of heretic's that caused him to flinch no longer being found.

Damon's confusion only continuing when he hears clatter from downstairs _is this Stefan's gift for me…..if that's the case then I'll definitely have to be in on this off with Julian's head mission._ Glancing around the room and seeing that everything is back in its place like the way it use to be. Though Damon had want to shut himself away from today he feels that with his brother's kind gesture he deserves a thank you _who knows maybe we can do the whole brotherly bonding thing._ Getting off the bed he opens his door stepping outside of it and walking down the corridor before heading down the spiral staircase.

Confusion once again etched on his features when he spots garland lights around the banister of the stairs. _When the hell did Stefan get this_ reaching the last stair his attention is drawn to the wreath hanging in the hallway _is this his way of trying to get me into the Christmas spirit_ he wonders not knowing if he should feel happy or sad because of this.

 ** _Christmas Eve will find me_**

 ** _Where the love light gleams_**

 ** _I'll be home for Christmas_**

That damn song plaguing him once again as he increases his pace, following the sound of the music realizing its leading him straight in the direction of the Parlor Room.

 ** _If only in my dreams_**

"Ste"

Stopping dead in his tracks and if he takes a second to look around the room he'd notice that it's decorated the way he had planned it to be but he doesn't focus on the lights or the tree because his attention is devoted elsewhere.

Blue meeting a warm shade of brown and he swears he's lost the ability to talk let alone comprehend what's going on and from the way she's sharing the same reaction they both seem to be trying to understand what is happening.

His mouth opens to say something; anything but he can't find words because he's too lost on the angel standing right in front of him. Tears immediately starting to well in his eyes and soon enough he sees that she follows, swallowing hard as he tries to speak again.

"Da-Damon?"

Hell her saying his name alone, his name slipping past her lips it's enough to cause tears to fall from his cheek because if there is a time to be weak it's now. One word or rather his name and he finds himself deeming it to be the most beautiful sound he's heard in a very long time. There is so much that he wants to say to her but they never come out instead one word, one name slips past his lips and the way it's delivered comes off sounding like an unanswered prayer finally being answered or maybe some would say a Christmas miracle.

"Elena"

 **End Part 3**


End file.
